truly, honestly, extremely, out of control
by StereoSkyline
Summary: series of random one shots that have popped into my head recently. mostly crack!y pairings but maybe some originals.
1. one

**so this is totally random.**

**i dont even know how this happened...**

**can you guess the pairing?**

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**Light, snow, a splash of color in a sea of white.**

Her many personas are one of the many things you adore about her. The way she can be anything she wants to be. Silly, serious, sweet, sassy. Anything and everything goes and no one will ever change that.

**Hot, firey, twirling 'round and 'round.**

Dancing and spinning and laughing in the sand, you reflect on how your families used to vacation together. An easy excuse to spend weeks with her, to just enjoy her company. Flashes of memories from her 14th birthday in the New Port, just the two of you drinking pepsi and sitting on the dock looking at the murky blue water. You wonder if she ever thinks about that night too. The way the two of you swayed to the silent music, inches from the water. The quiet contentment. Deep down, you know you would give anything for her.

**White, stiff, sterilized.**

When her fathers car accident happened, you were the first person she called.

"Can you come to the hospital? Something bad happened. I don't know if he'll make it." Her rushed, urgent tone made you drop the Wii controller you were holding and tear out of the Fisher's basement. You drove across town in mid-day traffic to be with her. You held her hand in that uncomfortable plastic waiting room chair and let her use you as her shoulder to cry on. When ever she needed you, you were there. From then on, you two were basically inseparable.

**Bright colors, pulsing beat, breathy laughter.**

It's your first high school dance. None of you want dates so you all go in a group.

"I'm going to dance until my feet fall off!" She declared, her eyes dancing. You smile, hoping she'll dance with_ you_. When you all enter the gymnasium, I Gotta Feeling is blaring through the Bose speakers and she squeals and dances her way to the center of the floor, and is immediately consumed by a group of admirers. "Hey, you!" She yells, waving you over, fulfilling your wish. You make a move to meet her on the floor, when you realize she's waving at the person behind you. Your best friend.

**Blurred vision, rustling leaves, anger.**

Three weeks after your first high school dance, your best friend is with her all the time. They hold hands, and your heart breaks a little every time. When she smiles and laughs at something he says, you want to punch a wall. Eventually you can't handle it. You run, teary eyed to the one place you can always count on, Old Jackson Park. You stomp on a pile of fallen leaves and kick the decrepit fence. You're being immature about it all but you can't bring yourself to care too much, because she picked him.

**Screams, tears, and lies.**

You're no longer friends. She has tried to contact you many times the first few weeks after your fit but you ignore her. Seeing her just reminds you that you can't have her, that she'll never be yours.

"What the hell is your problem?" She yells at you one day as she pulls you aside in the hall during lunch one day.

"My problem? You haven't given me a second thought since you started dating him." You say harshly. You can't bare to say his name, even though he was once your friend.

"I have tried and tried!" She pleaded, "I don't know why you're so upset by this!" You know she's lying.

"You know full well why." You mumbled in anger. You turn on your heel and run, run to the stairwell. Run to escape the one thing you used to want. The one thing you used to love.

**Fights, endings, awakenings.**

Sitting alone in your room, you hear your phone ring loudly. You pick it up and seeing her name flash on the screen surprises you. Too shocked to do much, you let the phone go to voice mail and listen to it the moment you get the alert.

"Hey." She whispered, "I really need to talk to you. Please come over as soon as you can."

Without a thought, you stand up and grab your keys. Technically you're not supposed to drive without an adult but when she needs you, you're there. When you arrive you climb the familiar ladder to the tree house, knowing she'll be waiting there for you.

"Hey," You murmur. "What's up?" She motions for you to sit down and you do. She tells you the tragic story. They broke up. She needs a shoulder to cry on. You let her for a while but your pride gets in the way. You refuse, standing up and climbing down the ladder, you hear her yelling after you.

"But it's you! It's always been you! I'm sorry I couldn't see it before!" She whimpers, but you ignore her. You're her rebound, and that's all you'll ever be.

**Truths, epiphany, happiness.**

Her many personas are one of the things you really hate about her. Ecstatic, pissed off, emotional, indifferent. Impossible to read, mentally abusive, truly selfish. She had always wanted you by her side, she always knew how you felt and she used that to her advantage. Manipulated you into being her gay best friend, never the boy friend.

The moment you realize this, you, Chris Abeley, are finally free from Skye Hamilton's spell. You feel, you are, really, honestly, truly free.

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**review.**

**also, give me prompts to write about.**

**and pairings as well.**


	2. two

**consider this DISCLAIMED.**

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**The Alpha**

Storming into the ball room of the tacky hotel her alma matter rented out for the reunion, she immediately captures the attention of everyone in the room. Dressed in a crisp black dress and sky high gold heels, she is the picture of perfection. Both of her hands are full. In one she holds a purse and the arm of a gorgeous man and the BlackBerry Curve in her other is being violently pressed by bony fingers as her cold amber eyes scan the screen. Control is what she lives for.

"Mass!" People squeal as she passes by. She flashes them a winning smile and returns to her phone, after all a magazine editors job is never done. People hear her drop names of her celebrity clients, oft followed by an "Oops, pretend I never said that!" Most think its just her bragging, but others know its her compensating for the fact that she hates her job.

Familiar faces and voices flood her senses, causing her to look up and see all her old pears, most with their significant other, greeting each other and catching up. Finally putting her phone in her gold clutch, she glides over to her old class mates and makes polite conversation, until he walks in and she squeezes her boyfriend, Jonathans, arm a little tighter.

Derrick Harrington has arrive, but he's not alone. On his arm is a lovely brunette, one that seems so familiar to her. One that always tried to be better than her.

**The Second Best**

She spent years trying to be the best, and she finally achieved it. At age 22, she graduated from Columbia, majoring in business, and bought a pent house apartment in the city. At 24, she opened up her own Dance studio, "Rivera Academy for Dance", and met the love of her life. Derrick Harrington had always been on her radar, and seeing him all those years ago made her realize that he was the one. Now at 28, she engaged to be married, happy, and successful, and she cant wait to rub it in.

Shuffling in her impossibly high strappy black heels, Alicia and Derrick greet their old peers and search the crowd for old friends. When Alicia catches a glimpse of her old flame, Josh, she freezes. Unable to move, she simply stands at the bar, numb and confused. She watches as he slips behind a crowd of people, not catching anyone attention, save for Alicia's.

"Would you like a drink?" The tuxedo'd bartender asks.

"Absofreakinlutely."

**The Athlete**

Adjusting her ridiculously short blood red dress, Kristen clamps on to the hand of her husband, Cam Fisher, and pushes the door open. Excited chatter erupts when she enters. Everyone wants to talk to the new starter for the Chicago Fire. All those years of soccer practice finally paid off and she's the first string striker on one of the best teams in the nation. She thought she would be excited to be here, to see her old friends and catch up and regroup, but no, she feels awful. Frightened and uncomfortable, she looks for a familiar face, and when she finds one its not one she particularly wants to see.

"Hey Kris!" Massie greets, as she wraps her arms around her old friend, eyeing the enormous diamond ring on her hand, "How have you been?"

"I've been great. Playing professional soccer now. How about you?" Kristen responds.

"I'm the new editor for Runway!" Massie brags, so obviously proud of her achievements. Kristen then realizes this isn't a time to see everyone again, it's a time to brag about your new life and rub it in your ex-friends faces. Good thing she finally has something to brag about.

"Cam, sweetie, why don't you go find the boys? Massie and I have some catching up to do."

**The Diva**

Flashing and excitement, the camera men fight each other for a batter shot of the biggest talk show host in America. Nodding, smiling and waving, Dylan soaks up the attention and continues the walk to the reunion. When she enters, everyone can here the paparazzi banging on the doors, trying to get more pictures. Dylan rolls her eyes and pretends to be bothered by it but anyone who knows her, knows she loves it. She tries to brag about her accomplishments to her old class mates, but when she sees that she is one of the only ones with out a boyfriend, fiance, husband, etc., she stops short. Once upon a time, she had a fiance. Chris Plovert. He had left because she was too busy. Too involved in herself.

Shaking off the thought, she struts around in her tiny green dress and makes polite conversation until she sees her old friends, most of them standing on opposite ends of the room, all staring awkwardly at one another, trying to decide who would make the first move.

**The Simple One**

Standing in the way back, leaning against the bar with Josh's arm loosely hanging around your waist, you eye the ex-pretty committee with amusement. You know they all want to talk but none of them wants to seem desperate and say something first. Ever the loud mouth, you detach yourself from your husband and loudly call, "Oh my god! You guys look fabulous!" knowing they will know your talking to them.

"Well, don't we know it, Claire bear!" Massie calls back.

Immediately they all gather around you, complimenting you and talking about the past. You know you might not be as fabulous or as rich or as famous as them, but you have a great husband, two great kids, and a sense of self security, which is more than most of them can say. So you let them gush over your simple blue dress and chatter about the beautiful ring Josh gave you and ask you all about your marriage and your family. You let them lapse back into the old ways, their old habits. Massie smiles, the glint in her eye slowing morphing from vicious to friendly. Alicia uncrosses her arms from her chest and fiddles with the white gold sapphire ring on her ring finger. Kristen scuffs her feet on the marble floor, in a way that looks nervous, but you know it means she's excited. Dylan lets out a tiny snort when she laughs. The boys, those same boys you had all fought over all those years ago, huddle in the back. Josh, Cam, and Derrick chat over the mutual disbelief that they actually ended up with one of us. Kemp and Chris, who had never lost touch, join them in the back to catch up and they quickly scoop Jonathan into the mix, sharing stories and long lost memories.

Ten years has passed since you've all seen eachother and you know that after tonight it will probably be ten more until it happens again, but you're okay since you have tonight.

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**Random and slightly awkward.**

**but its an update.**

**review!**


	3. three

**Disclaimed.**

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Your mind is many things. Your mind is cluttered, your mind is a safe haven, your mind is an encyclopedia. You're simple, blone hair, green eyes, perfectly average, not particularly interesting in any way and yet your creativity is your saving grace.

You're a mere fourteen years old when you meet him, on your first day of high school in a completely new town. It all begins with your dull blue eyes locking with striking grey. _Grey, like the sky mid-storm, _a seemingly meaningless thought travels through your mind as you try and make out what you're feeling for this boy, _but then there's always the rainbow. _

You shake your head, your over grown hair whipping you in the face. You aren't _feeling_ anything for this boy, you don't even know his name. That is the last thing you think before you feel a blow directly to your stomach.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry!" A deep voice calls, "Are you okay?"

You force out a low grumble, gasping for air. When you gather your strength, rather than telling this stranger with a strangely hard throw that you're okay, you instead mumble random obscenities.

A low whistle sounds from behind you, "Damn, for such a little lady, you've got quite the mouth." The same voice says.

"Yeah, well when you've been hit in the uterus with enough force to knock out a lion, try not to use every swear word you know." You say back, finally turning towards the boy and when you do you almost gasp out loud at the fact that it's him. The boy you had been drooling over not moments ago.

"Well," he chuckled, "That might never happen considering I don't actually have a uterus but I'll let you know if it does."

"Oh, uh, yeah." You say, completely at a loss for words.

"So, sorry about hitting you," he replied, running a hand through his inky black hair, "Well I'm Griffin."

You stare at his out stretched hand and feebly grasp it, shaking it in an oddly cordial hand shake. "Kristen."

"Nice to meet you Kristen, but if you don't mind," he trailed off, waving his hand in the general direction of his friends and jogging off to join them.

He's in four of your classes and your lunch period. He makes idle conversation and tries to get you to participate but you'd much rather spend your time sketching all over your brand new school supplies, marking them as your own. He jokes that he thinks you're his stalker, later that week in English class, you give a small giggle and continue on with your work.

It's three months into freshman year, a Wednesday if you recall correctly- and you know you do- when he sits himself down across from you at your lunch table. Your friends twitter slightly and then continue on with their meals, pretending to ignore him.

"Hi, so do you have a date for homecoming yet?" He absentmindedly asks, asking the single most asked question around the school at the moment, reaching across the table and snatching one of your fries.

"No," you respond automatically, having been asked multiple times already and slapping his hand away.

"Well would you like to go with me?" He asks, looking at you hopefully.

"Oh!" You gasp, "Uh, yeah, sure that'd be great!"

"Alright, sweet." He smiles, not bothering to move from his seat, looking all too pleased with himself. You don't realize until then that you two had actually become friends, between all the alphabetical seating charts- your last name Gregory and his Hastings are all too close together- and the late night facebook chatting about insignificant topic, mostly school. Never have you ever been so surprised at a friendship but you can't help but feel as pleased as he looks, although you would never show it.

You and him fall into a comfortable pattern. Partnering up for class projects, sitting together at lunch- your friends and his friends reconciling together, and texting almost every spare minute you have. He even thinks the way you write random quotes and sketch beautiful pictures all over your belongings is quirky and likable. Homecoming was fun, spectacular even, and there was not a single awkward moment, except for one. The one moment you realized you might just like him. Like, _like him,_ like him. Yeah, that was pretty awkward, but you push it to the back of your mind, not wanting to ruin the night, you would deal with that later.

Later turned into weeks, weeks into months, and eventually, months turned into two and a half years.

It's now the first day of your senior year, and it starts almost the same as your freshman year. He's in four of your classes and your lunch period. He still makes idle chit chat and you still give vague responses. He still jokes about your stalker status, and you still laugh. He even accidentally hits you with something, although this time it's a soccer ball to head rather than a football to the stomach. And you still haven't quite decided how you feel about him, so it's a good thing he has.

You learn this one day when you awkwardly confront him about this as you two were looking back on your freshman year. He gives an upfront answer.

"Oh, well, you're in love with me." He states, staring you dead in the eye.

You squirm uncomfortably, looking back, "What led you to that conclusion?"

"Well, I love you and isn't that generally what happens in those sappy annoying chick flicks? Y'know the girl loves me back?" He asks.

"Yes, but this isn't a movie Griffin." You reply.

"I just told you I loved you and you're questioning my logic?" He questions, completely dumbfounded at your reaction.

"Uh, I guess." You say back, equally as confused. "Wait! You love me?"

"Didn't I just say that, twice?"

"Well yeah but, uh, but why?" You ask, not understanding how someone as amazing as him could love someone as average as you.

"Well, you're creative, and smart. You were so elusive and talented when we met, you wouldn't really talked, you challenged me. You're beautiful and funny and whenever you're around I feel happy. It's like when a little kid see's a rainbow after a huge lightning storm. Kristen, you're my rainbow." He says, giving you the same hopeful look he gave you that Wednesday all those years ago.

You smile and press your lips to his, all the while thinking _how appropriate._

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**I dont know.**

**review.**


	4. four

Cloudy skies and rainbow twilights, that's what Nikki Dalton associates with Josh Hotz.

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At a mere three years of age, a young, frightened Nikki enters St. Mary's pre-school class room, her tiny hand gripping her mother's tightly.

"Mommy, I don't want to go!" She wailed, tears clouding her emerald eyes. Across the room she spotted a little boy, sitting alone staring at his hands. Nikki released her mother and skipped towards him, her previous anguish already forgotten.

"Hi!" She said to the boy, "I'm Nicolette. Well, everyone calls me Nikki though."  
"Oh. Hi Nikki," he replied quietly, "I'm Josh."

Wordlessly, the young girl slid into the plastic blue chair across from Josh and looked expectantly at him. When he did nothing, Nikki reached across the table and grabbed a tub of lime green play-doh.

"Do you wanna make something?" Nikki asked, pushing the play-doh towards him.

"Sure," He mumbled, smiling slightly and opening the container, his eyes always fixed on the dull clouds, hanging low just outside the window.

-

"Josh, I'm going to give you three seconds to get downstairs before I send Nikki up here to get you." Lauren Hotz threatened, slamming her tiny eleven year old fists down on his door. Understanding his little sisters threat, Josh put on his grey Ralph Lauren blazer and exited his bedroom, or as Nikki had so lovingly dubbed it "the man cave".

"I swear Josh, you spend more time in the cave than any normal thirteen year old should. It's not healthy man." Nikki said when he reached the bottom of the stairs, not looking up from her black sidekick. Josh took this time to check her out, as he so often did to mentally prepare himself for his buddies hitting on her. She was dressed in a white strapless dress and pale pink heels, her long mahogany hair pulled into a high pony tail and her normally choppy bangs were clipped back in one of those strange poof things that girls do, and Josh knew tonight would be worse than ever. "Yo, Hotz, come out of fantasy land and fix your tie, we have to go."

Shaking his shaggy black hair out of his face and adjusting his crimson tie, Josh watched Nikki pull on the navy graduation gown and discard the matching cap.

"I spent a whole twenty minutes on my hair, screw the cap." She declared, grabbing Josh's robe and hand and dragging him out the door, umbrella perched overhead to protect them from the storm. It was already 6:45 and the graduates were supposed to be at OCD at seven.  
When they arrived, they were attacked by a flurry of excited girls and bored guys, all dressed to the nines, not that anyone could see under the gowns they were all wearing. Just as Josh suspected, Layne, Olivia, Claire, and Dylan had also opted to ditch the cap with the boys were fiddling with the tassel or twirling it in their hands.

"Can you believe it? High school in three months!" Dylan squealed.

"Who cares? We're all going to be with basically the same people. It's not going to be anything new." Derrick mumbled.

"Oh shut up. It will be new!" Claire insisted. "New teachers, new classes."

"New boys!" Layne interrupted.

"High school boys," Nikki added with a mischievous smile and joking wink.

The boys just stood awkwardly, exchanging glances, all worried about having their girls taken from them by older dudes.

"Oh don't worry boys, we'll always love you!" Nikki said, tossing her arms around Josh and Cam and admiring the way the storm had faded into a multicolored sky, the summer sun dipping down behind the horizon.

-

"Lame." Chris Plovert declared the moment the group stepped foot in the Blocks back yard. The other boys vaguely nodded in agreement although it was pretty clear they didn't mean it. Each one of them had their eyes set on the gaggle of barely clothed sixteen year old girls running around in the grass.

Nikki, Claire, Dylan, Olivia, and Layne rolled their eyes and ran off towards the cabana, emerging moments later dressed in bikini's and shorts. They strolled over to the pool and dangled their legs in.  
"Incoming!" Cam yelled, running towards them and scooping Olivia into his arms before jumping into the crystal blue water. Olivia shrieked and laughed and the rest of the girls stripped down to their suits and jumped in. Nikki however crept behind Josh and quickly shoved him into the pool while he was still clothed.

Pulling off his soaked white t-shirt, Josh yelled "You're dead Dalton," and yanked his friend into the pool by her leg. The teens played and laughed in the pool, getting jealous looks and the occasional glare. When the sun started to set and the sky turned darker, the clamored out of the water and began mingling with their class mates.

"Oh! I'm Yours!" Dylan squealed during a particularly boring conversation with their host, Massie.

Her emerald eyes scanned the yard looking for Chris, her long term boyfriend and when she found him she immediately grabbed him and began dancing. A few couples over, Olivia and Cam were swaying to the music, looking like a Hollywood glamour couple with her stunning good looks and glitzy turquoise bikini and his star soccer player body and mismatched eyes. Next to them were Claire and Derrick, standing so close they looked like one giant blob of blonde hair and tan skin. Off in the corner, Layne and Griffin sat in the tastefully decorated gazebo, just talking.

Suddenly Nikki felt a tap on her should and she twirled around to see who it was and saw Josh. He was smiling and holding out his hand. Nikki took it and they began to dance, leaving behind a very angry Massie. Despite the awkwardness of dancing so close to her best friend while only wearing a bikini, Nikki let herself go and danced under the navy sky.

-

"Can you believe it?" Josh asked his brown eyes boring into Nikki's green, "One week. We only have one week left as kids. Then we leave for college."

"Oh please, we will always be kids," Nikki said, crossing her legs under her, making herself comfortable on the floor of Josh's room. She reached across Josh's lap and grabbed the bowl of popcorn from him. "But I know what you mean. I mean, what am I going to do without you?"

"We won't be that far. You'll be at Tufts and I'll be at BU. We're both in Boston just a little drive away. We'll still talk, right?" He replied, begging her to say yes.

"Of course! But I mean, it's going to be so different. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Nikki, you're an amazing person. You're going to have a kick ass time at Tufts and you're going to ace all your exams and graduate the top of your class."

And Nikki just smiled and swatted his arm because he was Josh and she was Nikki and they never went anywhere without the other. He would always be her storm cloud; serious, a little scary, and always unpredictable, and she would always be his crazy, beautiful, unforgettable, rainbow twilight.


	5. five

What did it mean to be 'over' someone? Could you ever really be under them? To Olivia Ryan, it just didnt make sense, but then again a lot of thing didn't. Was she really over Cam? Yes, in fact, she put everything her in a burn bag and had her house keeper hide it to the best of her ability. Was she really over the way Alicia had abandoned her? Yes, she had other friends, while they might not be as glamorous or as popular as Alicia but they were real, they were good, true friends. Most importantly, was she really over the fact that her father had left, officially moved out without a second glance? Yes, her mom had been happier since he left, she was out with her friends and getting over him as fast as she could, and for that Olivia was greatful.

Olivia told herself these things every day. She would brush past Cam without a care, she would stick her tiny, artificial nose in the air when Alicia laughed at something she had said, and when her dad would call, she would give vague, curt responses and abrubtly hand up with out so much as a good bye.

So if all these things were true, _whywhywhy_ did it hurt her every time she saw Cam look at Claire in the way she had always dreamed he would look at her? Why did she feel that sting in the back of her eyes when he would shoot her pitiful glances and apologetic looks. Why did she never return those glances with her perfected 'I'm perfectly okay, I don't know what you're talking about' look?

If these things were true, then _whywhywhy_ did Alicia's lame disses still burn. Why did she want to rip out Massie's hundred-some dollar hair extentions every time she said something rude to Olivia that made Alicia laugh, like they had never been friends. Why did she still respond to Alicia's texts and IM's whenever her and Massie fought or she just needed to rant?

If she honestly didn't care, then _whywhywhy_ did her mom stumble home drunk six out of the seven days of the week and why did she pretend it didn't happen? Why did she never talk to her brother, simply because looked too much like him? Why did she sit in her room, looking through old albums and cry? And why did she break her wrist, from punching the wall when she recieved word that her dad had a new woman is life, one that replaced her mother?

Spending time ignoring Cam and Alicia and her father, Olivia began to releaze things. Danny would never be a suitable replacement for her ex. His romantic gestures never seemed as sweet, his carefully planned dated never seemed as fun, and his striking green eyes would never hold a candle to the mis matched ones to which she had grown accustomed to.

Coral and Kori would never replace the hole in her heart that Alicia had left. They weren't as fun or has spontaneous. Their insesant questioning and worrying was truly annoying and insufferable. Coming from Alicia it would have been heart warming and reassuring that she still needed her, still wanted her, but from her new friends it felt over bearing and suffocating, two things Olivia never wanted to feel.

Her mothers never ending string of 'male friends' would never replace her father, ever. Her crying wouldn't make it better and her ignoring her family and neglecting her school work wouldn't make her father come back. It wouldn't make her father love her or leave his new girl friend. She knew he loved her, and didn't want to leave her, or Andy, but she also knew that didn't love them enough to stay, or to make more of an effort to see them, and for that, she resented him more than she could understand.

She would never truly understand some things, something that made her peers poke fun at her, but there were also some things she would never forget, things that would forever be burned in her memory no matter how hard she tried to forget. No matter how hard she tried to make things good, to make things right, things almost never turned out in her favor. No matter how hard she fought to get over her past, it always came back to haunt her.

Olivia Ryan never gets 'over'. She's stuck in a never current of rushing secrets and lies, fighting with every thing she had to over come it, only to end up drowning in them, always ending up under, instead of free.

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**i don't know.**

**review?**


	6. six

**SORRY! **

**I totally abandoned this for a while but I've been so busy!**

**okay so this is really short but based on real life expirience (not the beginning, please I wish my life was that interesting) so I hope you enjoy!**

**REVIEW PLEASE.**

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You have traveled the world twice over and seen everything there is to see. You've met Obama, had dinner with the French Ambassador and his family, even sat behind Heidi Klum at dinner with your mother one night but still, there was no experience was quite like your freshman year at BCD.

You made new friends, forgot most of the old, even made a new you. People talked, like always, but you held your head up high and smiled, after all, what else did you have to lose? Your previous school years had been nothing short of horrific, it could only go up from there.

You did the whole thing, the real high school experience. You went to homecoming with a promising young lacrosse player, you danced the night away, had fun and then went home. You attended the right parties, hung out at the right places. Your life was perfect.

When you were alone you didn't feel much. You were numb, unexpecting. Sure life was perfect, but it was routine. It was in short, boring. The same people, the same place, the same activities. There was never anything special, there was never any spice. Soon you realize, that's all you want in your life, something exciting.

You want to scream and yell and cause a scene just to make things interesting, to shake things up a bit but you don't. You know people would look at you and say "Dylan, what the hell do you think you're doing?" because normal, polite girls like you don't cause scenes, they avoid them. You understand not to rock the boat, your life is going in the direction you had always hoped it would. Too bad you never realized that stability might just lead to emptiness. The emptiness you feel can never be shaken, it is a perpetual feeling sitting deep in your gut, an eternal reminder of how you live your life.

You see your old friends and you smile and wave like things had never changed but you know they have. Every once in a while you receive an insignificant text, a simple "hey" but you know that it's them trying to reconnect. You can't bring yourself to make a motion to change because finally, _finally_, you had escaped all the drama of your middle school and that's the way it was supposed to be.

One day you realize, as you watch Layne and Danny fight like an old married couple, that you're fifteen. You're supposed to be out having adventures and being crazy just because you can. You're not supposed to act like an adult and you're not supposed to spend your nights being bored and hating life. You should be funny and exciting and wonderful, the way you know you can be, not sitting around watching movies again and again.

While you understand this concept, you don't try to achieve this kind of life. No, because you know that as easy as 1, 2, 3 that everything you had worked so hard to get and the theoretically perfect and drama-free life you had been dreaming of could be gone with out question. So you sit quietly like the good little girl you are and watch other people live their lives in a way you only wished you could.


End file.
